Thursday, January 27, 2005

Snotty Yankees

What a load of crap.

Not Jacksonville, but the article.

Having been to Jacksonville numerous time, I enjoyed myself. It isn't huge, it isn't New York, so surprise!!! A stupid Yankee hates the place. It is one of the fastest growing cities in the country and has been for years. People are flocking to it right and left. No taxes, extremely mild winters, and the beach is just a few miles away.

What a jerk, making fun of a city and holding up the likes of Detroit (murder capital of America), Minneapolis (my car is frozen to the curb or I would move South) and Green Bay (I am too clogged with cheese to move somewhere nice and warm) as though they might be better options. They might have a better history, but none have any future. Who in their right mind is looking to move to Detroit, Green Bay, or Minneapolis? NOBODY.

So what if Jacksonville is sprawling, so is LA and so is Chicago and Dallas and Houston. Frankly, Jax is poised to be the biggest city in Florida. If this nimrod from up North had any brains, he would be buying property in Jacksonville before the Super Bowl before the mass migration begins.

And that is all you need to know.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Reclining Squirrell Kung Fu Stance

And here, I thought all this time I had invented this method of defense. Imagine the Old Man's surprise to find out he had tapped into a mystical form of fighting from a far away land. I bet he could beat me.

I love The Onion.

And that is all you need to know.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Rough week for the Old man

Lets sum up the week for Old Man Winters

The Good:
My folks were in town, thus freeing up the wife and me from lots of parenting duties. Much relaxation was had.

The Bad:
The continuing saga of playoff teams for whom I am rooting ultimately choking continues. Yet again this year, I am faced with the prospect of hoping for a fatal crash of both teams who are Super Bowl bound. Both teams are awful and both cities have the most obnoxious fans (Philly as the worst, Boston as second worst.) If possible, maybe somehow they can both lose. The best I can hope for now is Philly winning, with Terrell Owens getting injured again or not being a factor. Which probably means that Terrell Owens will play and make an idiot of himself again, but New England will win. The NFL sucks right now.

On a personal note, I lost in fantasy basketball to the biggest tool in our league. I guess if I lose a game to Angie Dickenson here, things need to change. (Angie Dickenson played Big Bad Mama in the eponymous film). To give credit where credit is due, Big Bad mamma's players were at the top of their game. Mine were not. I got beat. Who knew Vince Carter, Kirk Hinrich, etc were going to have the best games of the season against me. Also, I want to give a big fat thank you to Shaq for throwing down a huge 14 pt. 8 reb game on Sunday. Way to step up, big man. Really helps my cause. Anyway, congrats to Angie Dickenson on the victory and I hope you never win another game.

And that is All You Need to Know.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Old Man Winters goes to the doctor

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of partaking in America's grand healthcare system. Not too bad overall. Everything is working well, but I have always hated sitting in that exam room all by myself. This time was especially disconcerting since there was a tube of KY sitting on the counter, ready to use.

When the doc came in, I let him know that was something that does not exactly inspire comfort in a patient. He let me know that was not part of the exam for today. He offered to utilize it after hours, but I politely declined. All I had to do was strip and have him prod and grope me for a while. No biggie. I get worse in the parking lot on any given day, anyhow.

And that is all you need to know.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Old Man Winters starts his own

It is I.
The Kaiser.
Bruce Leroy.
The Champ.
Kaiser Soze himself.

I am here on my own blog, to begin spouting my own particular brand of knowledge upon the blogsphere.

Get ready for your blog world to be rocked.


Friday, January 07, 2005

Dallas Cowboys director of scouting retires

Great news for all Dallas Cowboys fans.

Larry Lacewell, director of scouting has officially retired. This is the most upbeat news I have heard about my beloved Cowboys since Bill Parcells was hired.

Since 1996, Dallas has had 2 winning seasons, and even with the low draft choices (3 straight years of 5-11 seasons) the Cowboys haven’t been able to move up in the standings (barring a fluke season or two). Every year, the draft hasn’t panned out as planned. (Three corners drafted in one season. Guess what position still needs to be filled?) The fault has always been put on Jerry Jones’ shoulders. This has been somewhat undeserved. Jerry may be an egomaniac (you have to be to get to his level) but the man just wants to win.
Bottom. Line.

Lets look at this years draft for instance.
Julius Jones - Considered to be Bill Parcells’ boy, and seems to be a stud (102 ypg)
THEN it falls off A BIT.

Jacob Rogers – 2nd round OT played on some special teams.
Stephen Peterman – 3rd round guard. Tore an ACL in preseason. Jury is still out.
Bruce Thornton – 4th round corner. Inactive first 3 games, tore an ACL in only game played. Jury is still out.

2003 draft. Decent talent.
Terence Newman at corner (first), Al Johnson at Center (second), Jason Witten (third).

Before that, the results were depressing. Six players drafted from 1997-2002 were legitimate starters this year. This is the time when these players are supposed to be coming into their primes.

Maybe things were just in a slump, but I doubt it. I am hoping that whomever it was in the organization that found Jason Witten as a 3rd rounder will be promoted. Otherwise, I would like to see someone established brought in. Something needs to be shaken up, desperately.

No more drafts with Ebenezer Ekuban, Shante Carver, David LaFleur, etc. It seemed as if the team was looking to replace individual components by drafting a guy that looked like the player they lost. Antonio Bryant was a hot-headed, talented receiver, a-la Michael Irvin. Problem was, he couldn’t stay in his routes. David LaFleur was a big tight-end who could catch, a-la Jay Novachek, he just couldn’t produce when they needed and kept getting injured. Shante Carver was a pass-rushing defensive end, a-la Charles Haley. Now Shante is in the Arena League. Super guy, he just didn’t have it.

Now, I have hope. With every loss, my dad would let me know we were just going to get better in the draft. I kept reminding him that the Cowboys don’t seem to be able to draft for the last decade. But now there is a chance for change. Now there is reason for hope.

And that’s all you need to know.